My life's work as an artist reveals my continuous endeavor to reach True Self, the real I, beneath the darkness of complex PTSD from family violence. During these many decades, I'd connected sporadically to the Light; yet it is in the last 4 years that the shift is noticeably turning towards Joy and the Quantum world.
"Tumbling To the Light", oil/ canvas 20" x 30" 2007
As a college student, the urge to express myself was very strong; riddled with anxiety and depression, I painted from life during the day, and expressed the darkness of my inner world at night.
"Self Portrait at 28" oil, 12 x 14 1980 "Horse and Human Fighting", tempera on paper 1972
I had no idea I had no memories of my childhood ~ I lived life moment to moment, smoking a lot of cigarettes, unable to read, drawing incessantly. One day in 1984, while on a trail in the woods with a group of hikers, I saw an older couple up ahead who reminded me of my parents. A door opened, and I began to sob.
Soon therefter, I developed a technique to discover my past through my art. Starting with one memory, (it was of a gorgeous boy I'd dated a few times and the hallway of our highschool), memories unspooled; eventually, the grimness of my family dynamic began to emerge. I was stunned. Forty years of processing followed as I painted out the effects the family dynamic had on me~ those same patterns I'd learned with the parents repeated themselves over and over.
"Island Beach" 24 x 36 1989
When I painted, I focused on the excavation and purgation of the pain I strggled with, knowing that was where the connection to the original trauma began. I dug deeply into my subconscious to connect with my true self beneath my self abusive echo chamber.
"The Big Shot" 52 x 60 inches 1994
I used the motifs of carnivals, circuses, beaches and restaurants to explore my relationship between my inner and outer worlds. By 2019, the imagery that eminated had indeed transformed.
"Sleeping Mother" 46 x 58 inches 2019
Many times over the decades I delved deeply into my relationship to the Male energy. Much of it was painful, frought with the replication of family violence. Sometimes, a higher ethos broke through, and I connected to the Divine.
"Gift of The Father" 46 x 56, '96
The major breakthrough that changed my life's projectory arrived in 2020, this time to the world of the Unseen. My beloved family member Nemo began speaking to me as he began his transition saying "Everything you need is here". After that, I was amazed to understand his thoughts and observations. My Brilliant cat!!!! Once he passed, I threw myself into reading everything i could get my hands on about connecting with the Other Side. I began to write to him, and each time, became filled with Joy. A year later my second beloved pussycat, Bunny began transitioning and now I could hear his communications. They are my Guides. What luck!!!!!
"Transition in the Woods" 60 x 50 inches, oil on canvas, 2022
In the Quantum Field, all is Love, and my Sweethearts have steadily guided me forward, surrounding me with Love. My art has became mystical, there has always been times my art has revealed ancient timelessness and predicted future events, and now I am moving further towards the Light.